


Be The Star

by handlegg



Category: Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff
Genre: Gen, M/M, the sbahj origin story no one asked for, yet here it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-05 09:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1092278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handlegg/pseuds/handlegg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff and Geromy play Sburb. Well, Sburp.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be The Star

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cephalopod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cephalopod/gifts).



_December 20th, 2000_  
        Every universe must end. Stars flicker out, light lost to the void. Others avoid a frozen fate and collapse in upon themselves. This fact is insurmountable. Will anything observe the death of our universe? If that were possible, I wonder how they would feel. Resigning to such a fate would be difficult. I can’t even deal with a burnt Poptart. What does this mean for the survival of our species? Will we make it past the nuclear age intact to even consider outlasting the universe itself? Sometimes, I doubt it. Today I fell down the stairs because I wasn’t paying attention. Simple mistakes add up. Some guy is probably going to accidentally lean on the big red button and end us all. Yet, ignoring all that, what if matter and energy could transcend their original plane? Transfer of this kind...impossible. Who would be thE BIG MAN TO MAKE IT HAPENaaasdj;glaksd

        “Geromy, what are you--get OFF ME!” shouts Bro. A lap full of his new friend is not quite conducive to gettin’ deep into philosophical shit. His mom must have let in Geromy, his new neighbor, unannounced.  
        “Hey man, someone had to find you,” laughs Geromy as Bro jabs him in the ribs. “Jeff finally got that new game everyone’s been talking about. Want to play?”  
        Bro does, he really does. Sburp is projected to be the greatest immersive life simulation game of all time. Every review he reads gives it full marks. He finds it hard to believe that any title will compare to The Sims, but he cannot argue against Nintendo Power. “Sure, is he at his place? My computer is way too slow.”  
        “Yeah, hurry up! It’s starting to get cloudy!” says Geromy. He finally slides off Bro’s lap to retrieve his shoes and Razor scooter. Bro had asked for one as a Christmas present, even sent a letter to Santa and everything. He isn’t below asking multiple sources to increase his chances of gaining a sweet ride. His skateboard is a little scratched up, but it’s covered in Tony Hawk stickers to make it go faster. They hit the pavement just as the sun moves behind the dark clouds gathering on the horizon. Every surface reflects the muted light. Should have brought a jacket, Bro thinks. The evening’s warmth is ebbing; cool winds rush against their faces. Bro looks back at his house, briefly, sees his mother standing in the window. She waves.  
        Fifteen minutes later, the two arrive at Jeff’s house and do a few sick wheelies just because they can. That’s what cool kids do after all. When Bro knocks at the door, and the wood still gives off the day’s heat. No answer. He knocks again, this time yelling, “Jeff! We know you’re in there!”  
        Geromy takes it up a notch, “Hurry up, we’re getting attacked by that rogue tree squirrel!”  
        “He’s pelting us with acorns, oh my god, the HUMANITY,” screams Bro as he pounds on the door. Jeff suddenly opens it and Bro falls flat on his face at his feet.  
        “How high do you think I am to believe you two?” tuts Jeff. “Seriously, might wanna work on the acting a little.”  
        “Well when they make a movie about us, I’ll just get someone else to play me,” Bro mutters into the carpet, “maybe Owen Wilson.”  
        Geromy kicks him, “Heard that. Dream on.”  
        Jeff sighs and crosses his arms over his chest. “Did you come here to bother me or check out Sburp?” he says, “because it’s almost finished installing. I’ll grab snacks and meet you downstairs.”  
        A few minutes later, they convene around Jeff’s desk and crunch into their nachos. The computer screen displays a loading bar and a pulsating green thing. Even more time passes and they pull up chairs. Bro won’t admit to nodding off, nor will he ever. Around an hour later, the bar is at 99% and they gird themselves for the gaming experience of their lives.

        Several more hours later, they are entrenched in the fight for their lives. Confusion is replaced by sheer terror as they realize just what kind of game they play. Luckily, all three friends enter the medium together in Jeff’s house. They fight the hordes of squirrel imps with what they have on hand. Jeff chose his skateboard, Geromy a branch from the Christmas tree, and Bro a set of car keys. Waves of enemies successfully dispatched mean the trio gains experience at a rapid rate. No longer feeling powerless, they take down massive acorn imps with the power of teamwork.  
        Bro sleeps and dreams of a deep purple planet, and begins to understand. Living chessboards, rings of power, political strategy... When Geromy stumbles upon a long forgotten forum with a detailed guide to Sburp, their mission becomes clear. The log is dated in the future, and the game title isn’t even correct. After reading through the guide’s abrupt end, he realizes what they have already sacrificed. Bro does not point this out to the others because he thinks it will frighten them. He lets himself appear to share in the levity of his friends, but his smile does not meet his eyes. He alone bears the burden of knowing.  
        They build and fight on. Soon enough, they scramble up their precariously constructed stairs and ascend to their planet: Land of Artifacts and Distortion. The ground, littered with glitchy clipart, stretches for what looks to be miles until the next gate. Bro consults the oracle owl, an elder consort. He receives one sentence in reply and puzzles over it.  
        _“Thou must know what angel to use.”_  
        Even without fully understanding the phrase, Bro pummels his way toward victory.  
        Time passes, but it could be weeks or months or years. The battle hardened trio advances through their gates. Planets full of dead things and unseeing monoliths yield few clues to their previous occupants. Jeff lifts a few codes off an ancient temple wall in the Land of Stairs and Doges. Whoever used this planet before them must have been kind for this allows Jeff to forge new weapons. He gives Bro the Hawkvenger, and takes the Ruse Keys for himself. Geromy wields the Kringlefucker, but it is too powerful for him. During a fight, he trips over a landing and falls into the void. Bro sees it coming, but he cannot stop time. Jeff runs to the edge and sobs. During all their time together, Bro had never seen such emotion from Jeff. All this time and he thinks himself the only one who comprehends their fate. Such arrogance. He quietly joins Jeff on the ground, and they mourn.  
        Bro and Jeff no longer move alone. Every waking moment is spent together. They have become more cautious, taking watch over the other when they sleep. Bro still dreams of Derse. Sometimes he meets Geromy, or sees him in the distance. He knows he will have to kill the black king soon. But the Reckoning will wait until they are both prepared. He wakes; watches Jeff in his sleep and he looks so peaceful.  
        Bro feels the inevitability of death. He tries to tell Jeff what to expect, but secretly hopes they go together. He’s tired of fighting. They hack through their toughest foes yet as they draw near to their denizen’s lair. One day, if it can be called that, they anger a nest of flying squirrel imps that chase them all the way back to their own planet. He can’t explain it, but he knows that’s where they need to be. The squirrels fight with the strength of ten. Bro sees the end in sight, and leads them toward their quest beds. He doesn’t hesitate or waver, but the squirrels are just too damn strong. A particularly vicious squirrel bites off Jeff’s hand. He drops his keys and screams, and the shock of it distracts Bro. Simple mistakes. Another squirrel flies down from the ceiling and rams his acorn blade into Bro’s back. _No._ He pulls out the sword and limps to the beds. Mortally wounded, he shoves a bleeding Jeff onto his bed and orders him to stay there. He flops onto his own, gasping, and begins to bleed out. Jeff reaches for his hand. Bro weakly grasps it.

        Bright light. Soft feathers rustling. Something brushes his hair from his forehead. Bro opens his eyes and Jeff is there. He never noticed his brilliant eyes before.  
        “Wh...are we dead?” Bro asks quietly.  
        Jeff looks down and his smile is nothing but gentle. “We came back. Look,” he says and holds up both hands.  
        “Fucking _incredible_ ,” he whispers, stunned. Bro sits up and feels no injury, no blood. Like it never happened.  
        “I know what you do now, and we did it,” Jeff says. “We made it happen. We’re gods now!” He jumps up and flies around the room, “I did a little research while you were out, see?”  
        Bro almost passes out again.

        Jeff ascends as the Waste of Time, and Bro as the Seer of Doom. Geromy would have been fated as a Waste of Breath, if only they had known about the whole quest bed thing.

        Being able to fly makes quick work of their return trip to the denizen’s lair. The duo decimate the local flying squirrel imp population along the way. They enter, expecting a fierce battle. However, that is not what they find. Yaldabaoth awaits. The creature looms above them as they approach. Bro steps up first, and as such is given a choice.  He feels the denizen's voice inside his head, booming and rattling his very bones. Die for all who will ever live, or undertake a challenge to gain ultimate power.  
        Bro decides instantly. Suffering will end. He chooses to sacrifice himself for the benefit of all living things, past and future. Jeff turns to him, tears in his eyes, and lays down his keys. He takes Bro in his arms, and agrees to do the same. Bro kisses him, and everything goes white.  
        This time, they wake up dead. And ready to make things happen.

        In another universe entirely, Dave Strider wakes up suddenly. He’s got the worst, greatest idea for a comic. Ever.

**Author's Note:**

> I prepped for this by reading sbahj and my old theoretical physics books again. Thank you so much for the lovely prompt, it gave me a lot of ideas! 
> 
> Like who are these guys, anyway. Where'd they come from. Why do they keep falling down stairs. What is the meaning of the universe.


End file.
